Random Neurons on Espresso

     If Chaim Potok was right and all beginnings are--supposedly--difficult, I suppose I should be at least marginally stressed right about now.  Crafting a first blog post, so I've been told by all the gurus, is murder.  It ostensibly sets the tone for everything else you'll do and determines if first time visitors will ever want to darken your digital doorway again.  So, I've been advised, if I'm going to be clever or funny or endearing or profound I should do it now and do it right the first time.  This is my signature opportunity...my defining fifteen second elevator speech.
     Truth be told, I have a longstanding antipathy for gurus. I don't have authority issues per se; just a problem with incompetent people pretending to be competent while picking my pocket. I usually don't have time for stress. When it shows up unannounced I make it fill out a long form in triplicate and forward it to my virtual assistant in Bangalore. Snail mail.  She wants original ink.  And I hate elevator speeches.  It takes me longer than fifteen seconds just to find a clean pair of socks.
     So if you're a bullet list kind of person, bent on thin-slicing your way through life--sorry, had to get in the Malcolm Gladwell reference to see if the bots will throw me some free search traffic--why on earth are you still reading?  So you can flame me in the comments section?  Get a life.  It's my blog. I moderate. You want to prove me wrong?  I have an assignment for you.  You'll need a friend or colleague, two cell phones with stop watch and video capabilities, and a sense of humor.  Lack any one of these components and the exercise probably won't work. Ready?  Here's your bullet list.

• Friend takes video
• You operate stopwatch
• In fifteen seconds, define the universe.  Give three examples. 
• No fair quoting Douglas Adams or Billy Pilgrim. We want original and witty.
• All set? Go!
• Now post your results to YouTube
• Forward link to my comments section (Did I mention that I moderate?)

If I receive any legitimate responses I may let them through, or feature them in a future post.  Then again I may not.  In case it hasn't already become apparent, I'm a fan of Schroedinger's Cat.  If I don't like the odds, I don't stay in the box.
     Now back to our regular programming.  The real reason I'm writing this is to fill space and give my neurons something to do while the espresso kicks in.  I have a friend who asked me about Blogger as a platform and I hate uttering the words "I don't know." If I can't bluff, I investigate.  So I opened an account.  I wanted to look over the toys.
     As for the pivotal importance of this as my first post, I can always come back and delete it.  I don't think there are any rules governing how many first posts a person can post.  If I turn out to be wrong, I can pull a Cat and move to another box.  But I'll probably stick around.  I like writing.  It's one of my most cherished anti-social behaviours.